do you remember??

sometimes, people around me, the surrounding, assignments, give me pressure. i may look okay on the outside, but deep in my heart i'm crying. i'm laughing as loud as i can. i'm trying hard to hide my true feeling. but, when there's nobody, i cried and cried and cried. i smile as wide as i can, but inside i'm tired to put a plastic on my face. i'm the person who dun ever think of a damn small thing. i'm not the person who will think deeply about something. there are things that u cannot run from it, wherever u ran, it will come back to the probs. and u cannot but to face them. but, once i keep thinking about them, its hard. sometimes when i cannot bear it anymore, i will tell you. but, there's something that i cant tell anyone even you. there were times when, i look out my window, i keep thinking, i cannot bear it anymore.. questions played in my mind, why this happend to me? why me? why n why n why..

thank god, i come to my sense. i recite Holy Quran. i calmed down. then, all my memories came back. memories with you.

do you remember when we first met? it was when we were in stndard 4. they humiliated me, but i didnt know because i was so busy talking with you.
when we were in form2, you sat beside me. we were really close at that time. we were always hang out together, we used to cycle to school together, i bought a new bike just to went and cycle home with you. i really hate stayed in my mkngah's house. but, i didnt care, if it gives me chance spend my time with you. before i bought the new bike, you were always carry me in the back. i asked you "if you are tired, then its okay if i walk". you will always said no as your answer. but, i tried to carry you in the back one day, but it was really tiring. do you remember the time??
we used to go to your granpa's house. that is the first time i climbed the tree. it was so fun!
at that time, i was always shouted at you, mad at you and sulky  to you. but, you never raise your voice in front of me. you were always silent if i got angry with you. even it was my fault. do you remember?
then, you were always and still said to me "forgive me" or "i was wrong" even you never said 'i'm sorry". do you remember??
there were times when our class had a spot-check and i was caught red-handed bringing illegal things. comics. haha. then, you were confidently said, it was yours. i might not showed it to you, but, u know what, i was very touched. thank you. do you remember??
do you remember when we had to attend the 'Tamrin' thing, we were separated by groups. i dont know why, but, i cried so hard. do u know why? because i dont want to be separated with you. its funny when i think it back. it just 'tamrin'. but then, it shows how i wanted to be with you.
do you remember when we were in form3? we were in different classes. u dunno. but, truthfully, i cried in home, thinking hardly. i dun want to be separated with you. its hard just to think it. i thought we would be different. you would change. it was different. even though we were in different class, we still close like before.
do you remember when we skipped our tuition classes and went to town. we skipped class and all the events in school because we dun like it. we break the rules. we hated prefects. we jumped over the fence. ran away from teachers. haha.
do you remember? when we got our result, you got a flying colour, but me? i was a little bit angry with you, not becouse i'm jealous but i was afraid, we wouldnt be in the same class as i imagined. as i wish.
do you remember, when we got the same matriculation? i was so excited and grateful i was with u there. i might not show u. then, when the time ranko went to egypt. i was so depressed in a week. i coudnt think rite. i was sulking at you. but then, u came into  my room n say "i'm sorry". u gave me choki2, my favorite, and ran away. u might be embarrassed. i smiled back then. u never say 'sorry' before.
do you remember when we checked our upu result?? i was so upset i couldnt be with u, again. once again, i was thinking harder than before,. i couldnt live without you, u gonna wake me up? who gonna kill the cockroaches? who gonna tke care of me when i got sick? who gonna do silly things with me? who gonna lecture me for not eating veggies? who gonna beat me up?? who gonna make me smile again? i was thinking that. what if u have changed? who will teach you bio? who will listen to ur stories? who will make u calm whenever u sad?? everything ws on my mind. when u asked me whether i'm going to choose to go with u or not. my heart says 'yes, i want to be with you!!!" but, my mind say, do wat ur parents say. \
once again, i was crying all the time, i dun want to be separated with you. i told fizah, crying hard, but she said. its okay, i have to endure it. i've chosen wat i chose.
do you remember when we were dating outside in star parade? u bought me a chocolate dipped grape, it was very nice. sweet thing to remember.

then, i'm thinking,. even if i die, there would be someone who cares for me. i wont make her worry. i'm sorry, i've been thinking that way.

there were many other things that you did for me, we did together. but, this page is too small  for me to write it down.
saranghae. thats all i could say for what you've done.